It's never too late...

I was talking to one of my closest friend; she was very upset about the way her relationship was going. She knew the fact that her relationship is not going anywhere still she was sailing through it. No wonder she has to face all those miseries. People often ask me, what is love? The fact is no one in this world knows exactly what love is all about. If they knew then everything would have been perfect in their life. But since everything has a loophole, so it is when it comes to love. People live their whole life with this misconception that love happens once in a lifetime, how it can happen once I always ask myself. We love our parents, our siblings, our friends so how does it happens only once in our lifetime? People have this habit of complicating their own life and then cry over it. But they often forget the fact that because of their deeds they are in any kind of situation. If they happens to be in a good situation then they are responsible for it, and for all the miseries they blame others. How we can forget the fact that we are the creator and destroyer of our own life. How people can blame someone for their own misery? Love is still a mystery which no one has been ever able to understand or unveil. They give their own theories and whichever theory we think defines the current situation of our life, we start believing in it. Why can’t we just give our own theory like so many others? People who made those theories were not the creator of this world, then why we believe in them blindly? Instead of blaming others for our misery why can’t we accept the fact that actually we are not that capable to cope up with the situation and so we always land up in such deep troubles? She told me that when she came into this relationship then that time, she was unaware that it would get so serious, and that’s the mistake most of us do. We talk to someone, we start liking them, we ask them out, we feel good to be in their company and without giving it a thought we end up proposing them. If it gets rejected we spend our life behind it either mourning or trying for it until we find someone better. If it gets accepted then we devote our whole life to make that relationship work out, we compromise with our lives, our dreams, our needs to fulfill their needs and now we are more concerned about what they want from their life instead of what we want from our life. We start caring for that person so much that we forget to think about our own life. If that person is happy we are happy and if that person is sad we become sad. What bullshit is this? Who gave these theories? Who made such rules? No one, it’s us who blindly believe in all such things. It’s not like I have not experienced all such things in life, I have a great experience and what I learnt from it was, whatever happens in our life, we are solely responsible for it.

The reason why relationships doesn’t work out is because when we get into any relationship instead of start spending time with that person all we talk and think about is our marriage prospect, our future planning’s. We never met that person, we are friends through some social networking site, we exchange numbers, start talking for hours and hours and then we start planning our kids even before getting married, forget marriage even before meeting each other people start planning their kids. Isn’t this the most ridiculous thing to do?

Someone told me a very good thing which I remember very clearly, satisfy your own needs before satisfying others need. Because if you are busy satisfying other people needs instead of our own self then sooner or later you will start regretting many things in your life. And we always think that it’s too late to act we end up spending our whole life with that regret. Life is a compromise but not on the cost of your dreams and goals. You spend half of your life behind something which you wanted it desperately and now just because your partner doesn’t like you doing it, you stop working for it. You stop living your own dream, it fades away in one shot and you start doing those things which they want you to do. Why? Who the hell anyone is to govern your own life? Who the hell are you to govern someone’s life? Once you satisfy yourself, you do what you always wanted to do then only you can satisfy others. You cannot compromise on your dreams for those people who are temporarily there in your life. Once you get married then you have to compromise in many aspects but then as I said nothing can be perfect.

If you think that your relationship isn’t going anywhere, take a stand and just let it go. You don’t have to feel bad even for once because you didn’t ditch that person; you allowed them to get what they really deserve in their life. Life is tough, but we can make it easy. When we are in relationship, that person becomes very special for us, we tag them as the only love of our life and when things doesn’t go well, somehow they end up breaking up with each other, then the same person who was everything becomes nothing in a matter of few days? Who are we fooling? We are just fooling ourselves and nothing else. If anything good is going in our life then we often say that’s because I have the love of my life with me at every point, how is that even possible? Whatever you are that’s because you did something for it, not that your lover came and did everything for you. Kick out this notion from your head, live a real life, you are not fooling others you are just fooling yourselves. Doesn’t matter how rough is the situation; it’s never too late to act. How you can give up the dream of your life for someone who arrived a while ago in your life? And who knows whether they will be there with you or not and even if they are why you have to give up your own dream.

Think about it…

to a true friend, a loyal companion

I am known for my weird dreams, since childhood I always had weird dreams and whenever I shared it with my friends nobody believed in those dreams. And so today I had one. The weirdest dream of my life.

I was browsing Facebook when my mom called. As soon as I picked up the call I realized she was crying her heart out. She just said one thing and disconnected the call. It kept on echoing into my ears, “Rocky is no more with us.” He was my pet, a friend, a loyal companion and the most loved member of my family. I was numb after hearing such news; he was not well from past twenty days. He didn’t eat properly and he was kept on saline drips which made him weaker as the days passed. A month before he was full of life and he was the shining star of our family. From past ten years he was the part of our family and as I said the most loved by everyone.

Tears started trickling down my cheeks and I broke down completely. I cried my heart out, screamed, yelled at God and went to sleep. While I was trying to sleep, all those moments spent with me started circulating in my head which made me cry even more. I prayed a lot for his well-being but they were never answered. I cursed God even more and I fell asleep. And this is what I saw,

I was standing in front of a golden gate with the board which said, “Heaven.” I wore a white dress and I saw Rocky sitting outside the gate. As I approached him, a tall figure in white robes appeared in front of me.

“Who are you?” I asked him

“I am the representative of Heaven, people in your world which is my creation tag me as God.” He said

“Am I dead?” I asked him

“No you are very much alive.” He said

“Then why am I here?” I asked him

“You are here because I don’t want another person who believed in me the most to join God-Hater’s-Club.” He smiled as he said

I was confused,

“Of all the human beings why you have called me? There are many believers in your world. Then why me?” I asked him

“Do you recognize him?” he asked me as he pointed towards rocky

“Yes, he’s my rocky.” I said as I choked

“He has been waiting from past many hours outside the door of heaven. There is something that he wanted to convey you all before entering the gate.” God said

Hearing this, my eyes were filled with tears again. However I mustered up all the courage to ask him the reason,

“What is it?” I asked God

“He has been a part of your family from past ten years. And all these ten years he was loved by your family very truly and deeply. You prayed for his well-being when he was not well. You asked your friends to pray for him. But when he left your world and came to me, you kept on asking me questions like why your prayers were not answered? The answer to your question is, I am the creator and destroyer of this universe and everything has a certain limit of their existence in this universe. I sent you all from here and you were born. You live your life, experience everything and come back to me when your time is done there. And this part even though everyone understands but no one follows it. Ultimately I am the one who is blamed for anything and everything. When he became a part of your family, every one of you served him well, he was loved the most in your family, you guys went beyond your own limits for his well-being, and you compromised with your health sometimes but never when it came to him. I gave him certain time limit to live the world I have created and his time of existence was coming nearer so he fell sick. From past twenty days he didn’t eat anything and his condition was becoming worse day by day. I gave him two options – to live or to come with me.

If he has chosen to live, then he would have died anyway after few days because his time of existence in my world was over. So he chose to come with me and live in peace. And the reason he decided to come with me was not because he wanted to live in peace. On the contrary, he wanted you all to live in peace. Though he is a kind of creature who can never express what he is going through but he knows exactly what is going around him. When his health became worse, he saw how everyone of you were going beyond your own limits to cure him, how you all were stressed because of his health and how you all prayed to me for his well-being every instance. He knew no one had a peace of mind and just for the sake of your peace of mind he asked me to take him away with me. But he wanted you to know this and that’s why I called you here. Now you decide what you want to do, you can curse me and be worried all the time, mourn over his death or you can pray for the peace of his soul in the third world. If you chose the former then his sacrifice would go in vain and he will never be at peace.”

God turned towards rocky and said,

“You did your part well; you are a fighter a real brave fighter. You laughed with them in their pleasures and boomed through their disappointments. You experienced everything with them and you took a very brave decision. They will cry their heart out but accept it as a part of fate. But you will always live within their heart forever and ever.”

Rocky turned towards me and came running. I hugged him tightly; God held me by my shoulder and said,

“I know what it is like to lose people but you have got to learn one thing that one day even you will have to say goodbye to the whole world and come to me. And that time even you will wish for the same what rocky wished for. He will be always remembered in your family, will remain intact in everyone’s heart and I assure you he will come back into your life once again in which form that you will have to figure out.”

God turned around and started walking towards the golden gate, rocky followed him.

“But God why you didn’t call anyone else from my family?” I asked him

He turned around and said, “I will let you figure that out.”

He moved his hands in air and the golden gate opened. He crossed the gate and so did rocky. Both of them turned around and the gate closed. As they disappeared after a while, I closed my eyes.

And when I opened them I was lying on my bed. I checked the watch it said 03:09pm. When I went to sleep it was 1:52pm. I took my phone and texted my close friend about the dream, I was still clueless what it meant. I checked the watch again and then it struck me. 03:00pm was the time when Jesus Christ was born, and I figured it what God wanted me to figure out.

I got up, switched on my PC and started writing it as my blog. As I updated it I was sure no one will believe in it and they will see it as some another fictional plot of mine. But what happened with me only I know what it was and what it meant. I don’t owe anyone any explanation.

PS: this is not some fictional plot, it’s a true story.

Moving on is the nature of Life...!!!

He would woke up each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was going right for him, by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad; he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, fall asleep with his heart in his empty white room, that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. . .

Every day when he gets back from his college, he finds himself alone only with his solitude by his side, he feels lonely. He feels miserable; he would curse himself, his fate over and over. He would curse people around him for whatsoever reason. Always he has the urge to call her and ask her, how is she doing? Is she missing him the same way as he does? But he can’t, he has to stop himself and console himself, he explains this to his heart, “dude u have to be practical, a bit selfish too coz to survive in this materialistic world u have to become one of those...” And there goes a long fight between the evil inside him and the angel inside his heart... and then he closes his eyes and let himself drown in the arms of deep slumber, he feels good in his own world of fantasy... detached from the whole world, from all emotions, from all relations it’s just him there... and when he wakes up, again the cruel reality slaps him yet again and shows him that life isn’t a dream where everything will happen according to our choice, life is something else. In simple words, if you make it simple its simpler for you, if you make it complicated its complicated for you...

‎People don’t understand one thing, which is a universal fact that someday sooner or later people are meant to leave us. We have to accept it the way it comes doesn’t matter what the situation was, how true your love was or how great friends you were? It’s the same in every case. When we go through a rough phase we keep on thinking about anything and everything in the most negative way possible. Hence we keep on attracting negative energy which is always present around us and make our life miserable. It’s true that if such things happen definitely we will be sad. But why do people ends up in depression? Why do they start smoking or boozing? Why do they think that they are the only one suffering? And why the hell they detach themselves from all emotions and relations of this world, let alone with their solitude.

Life moves on, doesn’t matter how rough is the situation one day there has to be dawn if there is night. Same way we should learn to move on, come out of the misconception that in a whole lifetime only once we can fall in love. I contradict this; you can fall as many times as you want. And people who tag you as emotionless or easy going let them do that, coz people who can’t move on in their life can’t do anything worthwhile. Life is all about moving on treasure the memories of your past and keep on moving till the time you are freed from this universe. One has to accept few things the way it comes. You can’t force people to be with you forever, everyone has a certain time limit in your life, they will stay till that time comes and then they will leave you on your own. Instead of brooding over it, make that time worthwhile for each and every person who is there in your life. And then see how your life will bloom.

No one is good and no one is bad, it’s the situations which sometimes turn them into an angel and sometimes into an evil. It’s not only you who has problem; there are over 7 billion people all over the world with 7 billion different fates. And each one of them has some issues with life. Nothing is perfect, if it was then there was no need of God or the power which balances the whole system the whole universe. Obstacles are a part of life, they teach us at every point of time. Whenever we face something out of the box then that means there is a need of learning something which we are actually lacking. And that’s how one gains experience, few takes it in a good spirit and use that negative energy to do wonders in life. And few use that negative energy to make their life more miserable. This whole universe works on the logic of law of attraction. There are both positive and negative energies around you, negative energies are more influential and it attracts you more compared to the positive energy. Its upto you whether you want to get influenced by it or not. Sooner or later everyone does or everyone has to that’s the law of nature but who comes out of it matters the most. 

"Life tests you to the core and in those battles you win some, you lose some."

Why Life is so unfair at times???

It was half past two at night, the train was moving at its full speed and everyone was in their deepest of slumbers except the two insomniacs – I and Ishan.

“Only two hours is left and then we will reach our destination!” said Ishan

I nodded in approval.

We were going to Kerala, for our first Industrial tour. This was the first time when our whole class (except few people) was going somewhere together, excitement added a great spice and surely we were going to explore new levels of fun.

“What are you thinking?” asked Ishan

“Nothing” I said

“I am not at all sleepy. What about you?”

“Same here”

“Then tell me the story of your love life.”

“My story is all over my blogs and they are the same old break-up story, nothing new. I haven’t heard any such things from your side. So bring it on.”

“I don’t have any such stories.”

“Don’t lie, you are 20 years old now and I am sure you will have atleast one girl in your life.”

He hesitated a bit but then I probed him to narrate his story, he started narrating his story.

Once upon a time, when I was in 7^th grade I use to stay in Bhuj, a small place in Gujarat. She was my neighbor, Jennifer that’s her name. Her brother became my good friend since we three were the only children in our building we were not left with any other choice rather than hanging around with each other. And nobody had any issues when I use to visit her place. My visit became frequent, every now and then I will knock her door and with the excuse of borrowing some notes I would spend some time with her. Things were going very well and I started liking her. Slowly slowly we became good friends but probably God didn’t like this closeness and so her dad got transferred to New Delhi when we passed our 8^th grade. She went very far away from me and I lost all her contacts. During that time, there was no Facebook or Orkut to find someone, but I didn’t move on. She was still in my mind till the next two years when I passed out my 10^th boards and my dad got transferred to Chennai. I came here, joined a new school made many new friends but she was still there in the back of my mind all the time. But then something happened, something very unpredictable which I never expected. One of my friend, he came to Chennai from New Delhi and he was in the same school where she studied, I got to know this because always he use to talk about some girl named Priyanka and whatever he told me I don’t why he told me, but whatever he told me I was cent percent sure that this was the same girl for whom I have been longing from past two years. I asked him when he visits New Delhi the next time click a pic of hers and show me. He hesitated a bit but when I explained him the state of my heart he agreed. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and finally he showed me her pic. As soon as I saw the pic the sky fell over my head and land escaped from beneath. It was her!!! I never expected that life would surprise me this way, I cursed god the day she went to New Delhi but today I was at a loss of words. I had no clue how to thank god. This was some kind of miracle or this was my fate I was not sure. I asked my friend to give me her phone number, I added her on Orkut (yeah that time, Orkut was very popular in India) and to my surprise she recognized me at once. Soon we got addicted to each other, we would talk hours over phone, exchange numerous sms, chat on Orkut, not even a single day passed without talking to her. We were getting close to each other and this time it was different unlike our childhood days. She had a clue that I had started liking her but I never had the courage to pour out my heart in front of her. I was basically a big time coward when it comes to this. Soon our 12^th board exams arrived and then the duration of call decreased and so the number of messages. But somehow we managed to cope up with the situation. Days use to be very boring without her messages and nights use to never ending without her call. I use to feel very lonely. After when our exams got over, I felt a sudden change in her. She used to be very silent which was very unusual for a bubbly girl like her. I tried asking her the reason but she never revealed the reason. I decided that the day when our result will be out, I will call her and pour out my heart in front of her. Finally the day arrived; I called her up instantly after checking my result. No one picked up; I tried again but in vain. I waited for a while probably she was busy checking her marks too. Two hours passed by and I didn’t get any of her calls, I tried again but again no one picked up. I kept on trying the whole day and till the wee hours of morning but no one picked up. My heart beat grew faster; sweat bead appeared on my forehead. Negative thoughts started circulating into my head. I couldn’t resist anymore and I ended up calling on her landline number even though she told me not to call on her landline I did. I dialed her landline number; with every ring my heart felt a pang. Someone picked up, I didn’t recognize her voice.

“Can I speak to Jennifer?” I said

“Who are you?” she said

“I am her Friend, Ishan.” I said

And the next moment all I could hear was her cry,

“What's the matter?” I asked anxiously

“I am her mother beta; Jennifer is no more with us. Last night she committed suicide because she failed in her board exam…”

And the phone fell from my hand, body became numb, I couldn’t feel anything for a long time. I sat there on the floor, kept on staring at the phone. I could still hear her mom’s voice. Tears trickled down my cheek and I cried, till when I don’t know. My head became heavy; all those memories spent with her started circulating in my head. I was broke, for the first time I mustered up all the courage to pour out my heart and the day I decided to tell her everything god took her away from me for once and for all.

There was an eerie silence; all we could hear was the rattling sound of train. I excused myself to the door and light up a cigarette.

“That was the most unpredictable thing that ever happened with me.” Said Ishan

“You didn’t get a chance to even pour out your heart, why god is so unfair?” I said to myself

“I know what you are thinking, that I didn’t get a chance to pour out my heart in front of her. I couldn’t tell her that I loved her. But you know something I don’t have any regret for that. I accept the fact that I loved her, she was very close to me but more than that we were great friends. And doesn’t matter if she had any feelings for me or not, that is not important at all. The pain of losing a best friend is way more than the pain of losing a lover, because in future you may get many lovers but friends like her, you get once in life. And I lost her forever. She couldn’t bear the pressure of failure and ended up committing suicide without giving it a thought what will happen to those people who were close to them. And that’s my story. My Incomplete story…”

“I am sorry buddy; I shouldn’t have probed you so much to tell me.” I said and took a long drag

I was regretting now, that why on earth I asked him about it. How he must be feeling now? I cursed myself.

This is life, which proves out to be very unpredictable all the time…

I ask God, why is it so???

Why our life is so damn unpredictable???

Why true love stories are left Incomplete???

Why??????????????????????????????????????????

No Pain, No Gain…

It was midnight, and it had been three hours since I was lying here, staring blankly at the sky. The sky was clear and I could see many stars twinkling and they were twinkling brightly. The majestic sea brought its own music, to complete the emptiness of the night. The waves gently touched my feet and the sand seemed cold. It was the night which was especially crafted for me. I got up, sat up straight and light up a cigarette when I heard someone calling my name. I turned around to see who the hell it was but it was too dark and 

I couldn’t make out until he sat beside me. I recognized his voice,

“What the hell are you doing here so late???” said Aditya

“Nothing.”

There was an eerie silence everywhere. It was the sound of waves which we could hear everywhere. It was a place where I could be alone, and at that hour it seemed like a no man’s land.

“Still thinking about her?”

“Hmmm Hmmm…” and I took a long drag

As I exhaled the dense smoke it gave me a feeling of immense satisfaction. I started feeling content about everything, what all was happening around me had forced me to put a fake smile on my face lately.

“What was the best thing you liked about her?”

“Everything…” and I took another drag and passed it to him

I know nobody is perfect, everyone has some flaws but we have to accept them with that flaw if we truly love them. We must overlook their flaws. And it was true I love her unconditionally, so what if she had to take this decision of ending our relationship, I still love her madly. She did this because she was under family pressure and the best thing that she was honest.

“Do you think she still loves you…?”

“Yes she does. She loves me more than her own self and that’s why she parted away from me because she thought about my future first. She knew if something terrible happened then I won’t be able to concentrate on important part of my life. She loves me more than I do, she loves me unconditionally…”

It was a tough phase for me, time was testing us and we were sailing through it. It was a season which had no name; the motive was to live through. There is a famous saying, “No Pain No Gain…”

“So what are you going to do now?”

“Fulfill her dreams…”

Now the only thing that I wanted to do was fulfill my dream because it was her dream too. She wanted me to become a writer, more than myself she believed in me and she believed that I have that potential to turn this dream into reality. She was my strength and she was my inspiration, still she is. She is the only one who is always in the back of my head whenever I write about anything. And this was the only thing that I wanted to do. Fate has probably switched its side but I had a strong feeling that sooner or later it will come in my favour once I fulfill the dream that we saw together. Maybe this would sound foolish to many, but people who are in love or who have been in love would understand my situation.

I light up another cigarette.

“You are smoking a lot these days… you shouldn’t.”

I gave him a hard stare, he was right but I needed a companion and blue leaf was the only loyal companion I had. I took another drag and a tear rolled down my cheek. I got up, looked up at the sky and said,

“I still love you…” 

Few things are always complicated…

He was short tempered while she was easy going. He use to scold her, every time he was angry. And she was too scared to tell him anything. But now things has changed quite dramatically. She is turning into short tempered one and he is easy going now. And now he is too scared to tell her anything. It happened few nights before, when they were talking over phone as their normal days and something happened. The boy got angry and yet again he ended up scolding her for some reason. But this time, something happened that never happened before. She messaged him after disconnecting his call that gave him Goosebumps in the middle of night and his heart was in his mouth.

She said, “If you have so many issues with me then let me free. End this relation and live freely, the way you want.”

Tears trickled down his cheek while he thought, every time when he got pissed off and ended up scolding her he never brought this topic of ending their relation doesn’t matter how mad he was. And it was her who brought this topic. For him she is everything and so for her he is but the only thing that didn’t let him sleep through nights was, why she had to bring this topic? People who love each other are bound to fight someday but does that mean they should end their relation?

He kept on asking me. I had no answers. It was not his mistake nor was it her fault. There was a communication gap and that needed attention. But now he is too scared to state the condition of his heart to her because he thinks she might ask him to end their relationship yet again. I tried to console him and asked him if you can’t tell her on her face then text her, she will understand your state.

Life is unpredictable. You can’t take even a single thing for granted. You can’t expect your life to be always simple, complications is the other name of life and without them it’s way too dull and boring. These are the experiences that one gains.

Just remember:

“If there is night, there will be dawn…

This is life, which goes on…

And it always moves on…”

Mysterious Eyes…

"Those mysterious eyes,

That looked into mine.

It made my heart beat fast,

Like never before in the past.

The blink that said a lot,

I wondered what it was!

I wish, I could gaze them forever,

For a while, I thought it’s now or never.

But time never waits for anyone,

And so the departure came sooner.

I don’t know when we will meet again,

Coz there was something left unsaid.

I wish, I could read those eyes,

Which had so much to say.

Those were the mysterious eyes,

That always look into mine.

It made my heart beat fast,

Like never before in the past…"