Who says, "Pappu can't dance saala...?"

Since my childhood I have been a Pappu when it comes to dance. I never danced in my life. The reason behind this being simple, firstly I don’t know how to dance and secondly I am way too shy to move my bums in front of everyone. And when the DJ party was planned in our resort when we were in Goa I was clueless what I am gonna do there. You ask me to cook I will do that. You ask me to write something I will pour out my heart in front of you. You even ask me to sing I would even do that even though you never wish that to happen. But dancing is just not my cup of tea. Forget tea not even a cup of coffee in my case. And so I always picture myself in the song Pappu can’t dance saala from the movie Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na. I was sitting inside my room and hoping that I get some reason to escape this part of the trip but seldom that happens. What you always want to escape you end up being its first victim. And the same happened. The party kicked off while I was still in my room. And then the faculty who was accompanying us for the trip came to my room and dragged me literally to the dance floor. While I was climbing up the stairs my mind was doing a bit of rehearsal because I knew I can’t escape from this anymore. And when I entered into the lounge I don’t know what exactly happened to me. The ambience was amazing like a proper DJ night, truly kick ass and there was energy flowing around from everyone present there. Everyone gave me a smile when I walk past them and joined them on the dance floor. Something was there which gave me the exact feeling to come out of my shyness and rock the dance floor. When I don’t do something I just don’t do it. But when I do something I do it very seriously. And for the next two hours I danced. The moves were coming naturally with every track. People of my class never saw me dancing in past three years and that night I danced with everyone who was present there. The energy level was superb and I didn’t feel anything in those two hours. The sweat, the strain, the tiredness everything didn’t seem to exist there till the time the party was on. And if there is a better way to put it, we burned the damn dance floor. And since that night I am finding a reason to dance. I have overcome my shyness and now I am ready for another amazing night like that. This time I don’t need someone to give me a push to the dance floor, I will be already there. 

Who says now, “Pappu can’t dance saala”

Whatever happens, it happens for a reason…

Few days before when I jotted down the post of my blog, “Tears that was shed for you…” I was not aware of the reason behind it. I was not aware of the fact that I will be writing its continuation few days down the line. When the trip was finalized it clashed with the dates of her birthday. And when I told her about it she got upset and it gave me my post “Tears that was shed for you…”. But only a day after that night our trip got cancelled due to some placement issues. And it was confirmed that it wasn’t happening this semester again. There was no trip coming up till next semester. And next semester also there was very slight chances of organizing any college trip. When many were upset and were mourning I was overjoyed as I got a chance to celebrate her birthday for the first time since we got together. Maybe her wish has been answered. But on the cost of so many people’s happiness didn’t seem fair to me. However I put this thought aside and enjoyed the day with her. But I couldn’t keep this thought out of my head any longer. And with time I was more curious. I often asked God, why this happened? Is it fair to fulfill one person wish crushing over so many people happiness? And three days later I got my answer. If you don’t believe in the supreme power above us whom we call God then start believing in it. Not because if you believe then something miraculous will happen. But the reason being simple, it’s all about faith. And three days later our trip was again into the picture, this time the idea was initiated by our faculty. Tickets were booked instantly, hotels were arranged and when the itinerary of the trip came again into my hand I got all my answers. The reason was, initially the trip was cancelled so that I could enjoy her birthday with her that she wanted truly from her heart. And the reason why it was planned again was as I said earlier; it’s not fair to fulfill a person’s wish on the cost of so many people happiness. And when I saw those delighted faces I felt good and worthy. When everyone was upset and I was overjoyed deep within I felt guilty for being like that. But the day when it happened again I looked up at sky and thanked God for giving us one more chance which seldom we get in life. So whatever happens, it happens for a reason. And in the end everything just falls back to its right places…

We die… In the quest of living one’s dream…

Left alone in the vicinity of his solitude, he lay down on the concrete floor of his building terrace. The stars were twinkling bright. The clouds moved with the wind. The moon played hide and seek as the cool breeze gained its momentum. It gave him the moment of peace that he has been longing for. He kept his phone away from himself. He wanted to be alone. In past few months his life has picked up a pace, he wasn’t even able to give some time to himself. It was very late at night; he wasn’t even bothered to check the time. Past three years of college passed by in a blink. He was clueless about what he did in this past three years of his college life. And in another a month or two, he would face several interviews. He wasn’t even sure whether he was ready for the life which was only a year ahead or not. These days money has become an important priority for everyone that their dreams are fading away.

“Is there even a need to dream?” he reflected

People don’t do things which define them. They don’t go for things which make them happy and feel alive. Instead they have inherited a habit of beating around the bush behind making wads and wads of money. They don’t see this way that if they conquer the quest of living one’s dream then money would follow certainly. But they think that life is a race and in this race they are so busy they don’t have time for themselves. Every human is so tied-up with several priorities that they don’t have a life. In short they are living a fucked up life. You wake up, go for work, come back, eat and then sleep. And the same routine is followed until they get retired from their work thinking they will travel around the world with their children. But they often forget that the whole beating around the bush concept that they had left, continues to screw the lives of their children and they complain. They complain about everything when one fine day they are on their death bed. Then what next??? A blank screen as you close your eyes and get drown in the arms of death.

What is the use of a life which we get only once? Are we born only because we have to make loads of money? What is the meaning of our existence in this world? And when death is only the permanent thing then, why we have a life? Has anyone ever taught us about living our dream? Why we have to become a rebel in the quest of chasing our own dream? Why we spend a lifetime doing things that we don’t want to do? Has ever anyone inspired us to go for our dream?

And when we talk about our dream with anyone, instead of encouraging us that we have realized the reason for our existence in this world they start giving long lectures on how immature our dream is, how we are wasting our time behind all this which seems very impractical to them. Then I ask you one thing, if one’s dream is impractical then, are those people who succeeded in living their dream belongs to some other species? Are they not human? Then why so many questions we have to answer? Why people have an opinion about everything? Why they don’t want to live their life for themselves? And if someone does they make their life living hell.

Idea of living a secured life is good but not on the cost of your dream. We spend our whole childhood and teenage dreaming about something we want to become in life. And those dreams are washed away when we get a reality check and come back to the reality when life shows its rationality. Instead of brooding over it after getting old why don’t we take chances now? You never know you might end up living your dream. And when you succeed in living your own dream then one fine day people will get inspired from you, from the deeds that you did. And you will be remembered as a person who lived his dream. Atleast when you will be at the door of your death, you won’t be having any regrets.

Live now because it’s now or never.

Live free!!! Die hard!!!

Tears… that was shed for you…

It was during lunch hour when he got the news. The news that brought joy for many people in his class though it freaked him out. He calculated the number of days repeatedly in his mind. And he knew it then, he won’t be able to be here on her birthday.

“It’s okay if you don’t come on my birthday, we will celebrate it when you are back from your trip.” She had said that the day he told her he might be going for his college trip. That day she had consoled him and insisted him to join this trip.

But deep within he was confused what to do. One part of his mind wanted him to go for this trip as this was his final year in college but the other part wanted him to stay back as this was the first time they will be together on her birthday. But it was practically impossible for him to stay back as this trip was mandatory for everyone. And the fact that he was made the coordinator of this trip didn’t give him any chance to evade from this trip. He was in a dilemma after a long time. It was a time when he had to make a choice.

“I will explain my situation, I’m sure she will understand.” He said to himself

After his college got over, he went to meet her. As he was waiting for her to come, his mind kept on asking several questions. While he was busy finding answers for all his questions she appeared out of the blue.

“Hey” she greeted him with her beaming smile

He was nervous, but the moment he saw her flashing a beaming smile it gave his heart a moment of peace. They started walking together. He took a deep breath after a while and said,

“I’m going for my college trip. I’m really sorry because I won’t be able to make it on your birthday.”

And it gave him immense peace of mind after blurting out what he had to say. But it came out at a wrong time. Her face drooped down, smile gone and her eyes turned moist. She stopped then and there, took some time to gulp down the truth.

“What???” she squeaked

“But how is that possible??? You said you will come back a day before my birthday??? Are you joking??? Tell me if you joking because it’s not funny at all.” She said at the top of her voice

He couldn’t say anything then, just nodded his head which made it clear that he was not coming on her birthday. The fact that she will have to spend her birthday alone in her hostel made him feel like as if someone has just strangle his neck with a thin wire. He felt suffocated.

There was an eerie silence everywhere. He didn’t know how to tackle such situations though he has faced a lot in his life, but here he was totally dumbstruck, clueless what to do.

He held her hand and said,

“I am really sorry…”

But she couldn’t gulp down this news and her face showed it well. He tried making small talks but in vain. He tried cheering her up but in vain. He was very confused he didn’t know what to do that might give her some peace. She was quiet and so he stayed mum too. They walked till the canteen, she took her seat and he went to order juice for both of them. When he came back, he saw her sobbing quietly. He kept his arm around her, she put her head down and said,

“I want to go back to my hostel. I want to be alone for a while.”

He didn’t say anything. He knew it was no point of arguing now. He was not answerable to anything. This was her first birthday with him but his college trip ruined the party.

She drank the juice in one gulp, got up and  said,

“Drop me to my hostel.”

He got up and started walking with her. She was still crying.

“I’m sorry that I’m behaving in a silly way but I don’t know why I’m not able to hold back my tears. I was not like this before. Why I have become like this??? Why???” she said

He kept a straight face listening to what she had to say. He thought that might give her some peace. But deep within he was afraid that what has not been said so far might just come out into the picture. He crossed his fingers.       

“I don’t want to like this. This is getting way too complicated for me. In past one month this has happened for the third time. This relation is giving me more pain than happiness. I don’t want to suffer like this anymore. I don’t want to be with you anymore…”

And the unsaid was said, he closed his eyes tried to gulp down his throat but it gave him a thud in his heart. Her words pierced his heart, he was feeling weak on his knees. He wanted to sit somewhere. It shattered him, somehow he tried holding back his tears when she said again,

“It’s not your mistake. It’s me who’s not able to cope up with the situation. You are a very selfless guy, it’s not your mistake. Now I am not able to cope up with such situations what will happen with me in future. I am such a foolish person that I accepted your proposal without even giving this a thought that, will I be able to handle the complications that will follow through lately.”

 Now that was enough for him to stay quiet.

“So you are saying you did a mistake. After all this while now you are giving up? And what for? Because I won’t be able to make it on your birthday. For this silly reason you will leave me.” He said

“I was not like this before. It’s not about my birthday anymore, it’s about my life. Why I should shed tears for something I didn’t even do???” she said

“As if I’m partying around. What do you think, I am very happy about all this?” he said

“Then even you should not suffer because of me. This is spoiling everything.” She said

He knew it was useless to argue with her at this point of time. He stayed quiet and walked with her till the gate of her hostel.

The moment they reached near the hostel gate, lightning struck, thunderbolts showered and it started raining heavily. He stood there as she was busy finding shade for herself. He stood there, closed his eyes and let himself get drown in those tiny droplets of rain which drenched him completely. He opened his eyes and a lone tear trickled down his face, which was washed away by the heavy downpour. She didn’t notice that. He looked into her eyes directly, her eyes were moist and so were his. He wanted to hug her tightly but couldn’t. He wanted to hold her in his arms and say sorry for everything. He wanted to see her beaming smile before leaving for his college trip. He knew if he will leave like this then her sunken face would haunt him forever. The guilt will remain forever. He looked up in the sky and asked God, why he was in such a situation where he was so helpless. Why the situation demanded his attention from both the sides when he couldn’t do anything about it. He was helpless and her emotional outburst didn’t make anything better for him.

He wanted to tell her that he loved her more than anything in this world. He wanted to tell her not to take any hurried decisions which might just ruin their peace of mind. He wanted to tell her many things. But in the light of the moment he couldn’t utter even a word. The rain didn’t stop nor did his heart stop crying. He sat down beside her under a tree. Whenever he tried to say anything his voice choked. Neither she said anything nor did he speak anything.

And when he gathered his will to speak his heart out she walked away from him. She walked away and disappeared inside her hostel gate. While she was walking back, silently his eyes followed her. That was the first time when she walked away from him without even looking back at him. His eyes were stucked to the hostel gate. He was still in the anticipation that she might come back to bid him goodbye. But she didn’t…

He kept on waiting for her to come back until it stopped raining. But when she didn’t, he kept his arms between his legs dipped his face down and he cried silently. The trees, the leaves started moving around as the wind gained its momentum. When the situation demanded her support she walked away from him. He felt lonely, he felt abandoned, he felt weak and he felt nauseated. He couldn’t believe what just happened. He couldn’t believe what his eyes just witnessed. And he couldn’t believe his fate which again switched its side.

He sat under the shade of the tree and cried his heart out quietly until the clock struck 9:00pm and the warden closed the hostel gate.

Those were his tears that he shed for her, and she wasn’t even there to wipe them up… 

Love - A Form Of Meditation...

Have you ever been in love? I am sure everyone has atleast at some point of their life. It doesn’t matter if, your love is still there in your life or not. Perhaps not or maybe yes. But that is not the point. So when you were in love, have you ever felt that when that person was beside you then the whole world ceased to exist? Or at that point of time, you don’t really care about how your friends treated you this morning, or why your boss was angry at you? Why the day didn’t go well? Everything ceases to exist right, apart from you and your love.

And when you hug that person do you find yourself in the most peaceful place, if such a place called no man’s land do exists? The way we live our life, seldom we get inner peace. We are not even happy from inside; just have a fake smile to avoid unnecessary questions. But when we hug the person we love and stay in their embrace the world seems to be beautiful. All our worries get dumped somewhere and all we care about is being in that embrace for a little longer always.

Or when you kiss that person, how does that makes you feel? Could you express? You may end up saying thousands of words which may not express your feeling completely but a kiss would certainly do. Sometimes we do feel to be isolated and not around many people. Similarly, a kiss would say many things which words couldn’t. Kissing the person you love gives you the inner happiness which we always long for. We all have a tight schedule and whole day we slog to get somewhere where we are not even pictured in our life. But we all do, because we all have some basic needs and fulfillments without which it’s hard to survive out here. Then who will have inner happiness because most of us are doing what the situation demands from us and not what we demand from our life. So we work whole day, till late at night and when we get back usually spank everyone at home because of the day’s frustration. Instead of that if we chose to make love to the person we love, we will definitely get the inner peace with inner happiness for what we are longing for. In life even in the nastiest of storm, we often seek for a glimpse of sunlight.

Love is a form of meditation when you have it you get your inner peace. Like how our blood pressure comes under control and we become immune to other diseases similarly love makes a person lively. We feel things in a different way, whichever way it might be it is beautiful. The feeling of being loved is beautiful. The feeling of being cared by someone is amazing. And that makes us do things in a very different way. But when they leave you, surely you will be disturbed. But then you always have a choice. Instead of thinking about when that person would leave us and living a life in that stress let’s see another side of the wall. Why don’t we think this way, that till the time he/she is there with me, I shall make the most of it?

P.S – Just a thought, I’m not sure whether it makes any sense or not.